You may already find yourself looking for new projects or ways of being around this time, and is a sign you are very connected to the moon and her cycles. As humans we are closely tied to the pull of the moon, simply watch how her pull effects our tides and you will recognize our mostly water body is pulled as well.
Our self-image/learned-self or identity is the filter through with we view the world. It guides our perceptions and decides the roles we play in our work, relationships and with the world in general. It is our internal humanness advisor. This part of self is fiercely protective for its survival and therefore we often don’t act as our authentic or sacred self.
This is the self that we came to learn from outside experiences and input. The interactions with our family from a young age, the expectations from teachers and peers, the way we look at ourselves when we think of who we are. We are clumsy or graceful, we are rich or poor, smart or pretty, fit or unhealthy. It is the stories we have come to believe about ourselves told by others and our perceptions of outside circumstances. Our actions, beliefs, feelings, and even our abilities are dictated by our learned self. This learned self has written a story of our life, designed costumes and auditioned a cast, we simply read along each day acting as if it is true.
Our sacred self, hmmm doesn’t that sound wonderful and slightly out of reach? Our sacred self is the self that God made, this is how the Universe sees us. This is who we are in our heart and through our connection to spirit. This is our super powers and what we long to contribute to the world and ourselves. Behind the mask and the roles we play in our daily lives there is the self we were born as.
This self is whole, complete and perfect just as you are.
Let me repeat that… you are whole, complete and perfect just as you are!
The learned self will work very hard to have us believe we are none of these things, but need work, and help and more stuff to complete us.
How do we recognize this sacred self? This is who we are when we are not judging ourselves, when we are quiet and reflective, when we are in appreciation and in moments of love.
Our learned self is often about the future, we want to be healthy so we need to work out. We want to be successful but we need to learn more now, we want to be in love so we are searching for our partner. It is always a destination, and no matter how long we work at it, that destination doesn’t seem to get closer.
Our sacred self is about now, in this moment. I am love, I am well, I am contribution.
The inquiry into our sacred self is the question, who am I?
Who am I when I am not trying to be somebody?
Who am I when I am not trying to be a success?
Who am I when I am not judging myself?
Who am I when I am not a mother, brother, friend, employee?
Who am I without a title?
Another inquiry into the distinction between our learned self and our sacred self is the question, What do I want?
Depending on your history, beliefs and circumstances you may answer as a consumer with a shopping list of things or objects. You may answer as an adventurer with a list of places to go or as a student with a list of things to learn.
This gives us insight into the who you are as a learned self.
Now, take a deep breath and sit with the same question, What do I want? And come from your sacred self. Is there anything to want? Is it a thing, circumstance or an expression of who you are?
Our sacred self is an expression of who we are BEING.
SACRED = BEING
LEARNED = DOING
My inquiry into happiness and success was prompted by a client. My first male client actually. He came to see me at the encouragement of his wife. After a few minutes of small talk he confessed that he felt guilty and wasn’t sure what I could possibly do to help. I asked him to elaborate, and he explained that he had started his own business, an industry he was passionate about, had a wonderful wife he loved, two beautiful kids, and a home that looked like a magazine cover. And even with all that he still felt unhappy. Then he felt guilty because he had so much and it still felt empty, and then he would berate himself for the guilt which led to more guilt and less happiness. A viscous downward spiral that had been going on for more than a year. On that visit we worked with the tools I had at the time, and then I searched out more information on the subject of happiness and success. Along the way I gained insights into my own life and found tools and questions that have helped clients and friends over the last 7 years.
Happiness and success are subjects I am passionate about, and they intertwine with my work in connecting people to their intuition.
I meet clients regularly who say they want to be happier, or more successful or more commonly they are frustrated by the lack of these in their lives. When I ask them how they define happiness or success there is inevitably a pause, they stop to think about it and are often even confused by the question. Eventually an answer comes, about how they want more, or better or just like Mr. & Mrs. ‘fill in the blank’. It becomes obvious that they have not really given it much thought personally, but have followed along with the societal definition of happiness or success. It is defined by their upbringing and social pressure. This is like getting in your car and having someone else preset the destination and wonder why you are heading in this direction, and not recognizing the final destination when you arrive.
The good news is that you are here, looking for a new way of defining these for yourself. Congratulations!
Defining success or happiness for ourselves is the first step in the process. We need to know what it looks like and feels like so we can recognize the path that will lead us there. It is hard to know if we are getting close, or what to do if we have nothing to measure it by. Without a definition that fits us personally we are left to follow others and simply hope it feels good to us when we get there.
What does your current belief about success look like?
Does it include being busy, working long hours. What is the financial status of success, how much money would be required to feel successful? How do you need to dress? What office or company do you need to work for? Job title, clubs you or your family belong to, car you drive, vacations you take? When you think of successful people what do you think of? Is this the same way you measure happiness? Do you need to be in an amazing relationship, have kids?
Write down the current picture of happiness and success that you have been chasing.
The pursuit of happiness must always fail because it is based on a
lie ~ happiness is not outside you.
~Robert Holden, Happiness Now
Now, what if … Happiness and success were not determined by outside circumstances? What if it is created internally by you?
I have met people with enough money to travel anywhere but feel they can’t stop working long enough to vacation.
I have clients who are married and happy, and clients who are married and unhappy.
I know women who own designer clothes and feel like a fraud, and women who shop at the thrift store and feel bold and empowered.
There are millionaires who are miserable and homeless who feel free.
I invite you to take out a journal/paper and pen, find a quiet space and take a deep breath, settle in and let the answers flow to the following questions. Don’t think too much, write the first thing that comes to you.
Here are some questions to ask yourself, to prompt a new definition of success and happiness for yourself:
Describe a life well lived.
Describe what a loving and empowering relationship feels like?
What type of person/friend do you want to be?
What contribution do you want to give to the world?
How do you want your life to feel?
This may take more than one sitting.Many times when we start an exercise like this the feelings at first are hard to put into words. Let the feeling flow over you, and maybe the words are more descriptive as a sensation, a texture or smell rather than explaining. Happy feels light and yellow, and tastes like strawberries rather than how it looks from an external situation.
What insights came to you during the writing?
What did you write or experience that surprised you?
How different is this version of happiness/success from the first one you wrote?
Which version feels more authentic to you?
At this point do not worry about how to make this happen, or the to-do list that will accompany it. We will address these in another session of the series.
For now day dream, get familiar with the feeling of happiness and success. Notice where in your life you are far from it, and in others where you are already close and never realized it.
This is the first step, and in this short series we are sticking to the tip of the iceberg. After the next few steps if you are wanting to take this deeper and further I will be sharing ways to work with me in workshops, 1:1, share with your clients or come to your business. When a group of people work together with a common intention the transformation and growth is exponential.
Stay tuned for:
Part 2, Who is driving the car in your life? The distinction between our learned identity and sacred identity.
Have you taken workshops, trainings, webinars and seminars that have great information and yet a month later you find yourself back exactly where you started from? The event had wonderful information, you had insights, aha’s and even some tears, and today you are thinking it feels just the same … again.
I am not alone
When we are moving through our lives in all the complexities, upsets and anxiety we often feel alone and lost. It doesn’t seem possible that someone else could feel this lost, or out of answers. When we work with groups we share our lives, and while they seldom sound exactly the same they often parallel each other and bring to light the sameness in each of our paths. We no longer feel alone, inadequate or misunderstood.
When we have a fear stuck in our head we think of it as us. This fear is really a past decision repeating itself to keep us safe, but we think it is real.
When I work with people and fears the first thing to understand is how the fear was born. It is not important to remember the very first incident where it started, but to have an idea on how it came to be.
